What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 05:50
So, i spoilt her more .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She was in good health!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
What is your wildest experience in Bangalore that you haven’t told anyone?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I write beautiful poetry .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Comes on , in middle age.
This is soul school!.
How does it feel to have sex with a 40 year old curvy aunty?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My family never makes their pension either.
Is there anything you did that you regret? If so, what is it, and why?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I was scared of men, in general
What is it like to have an insanely beautiful girlfriend?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My ex moved on so fast. How can I overcome the pain?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Who would win in this boxing matchup between these two, Dillian Whyte or Samuel Peter?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Why are the Chinese so sensitive to Western criticism?
But ive been too sick for many years..
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Especially a lifetime of it.
What did your sister do to you that you can never forget?
And i lived it daily.
Why did i forgive my father ?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Why do many women wear sleeveless shirts, more so than men?
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Why do men cheat on their wives with someone extremely unattractive?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Why do people love to live alone in a house?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I could never make a relationship work though!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Put me off passion for life!!
I was very sick at this time too.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Was to survive, this bastard.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I have no regrets .
But, we were locked up after school.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
On the 31st of Jan this month .
One cannot live in the past .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
When she asked me how she looked .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
All the time i was locked up.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She married twice! .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But it wasn’t much.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I will be 64.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I waited trembling.
I couldn’t, believe it.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I said to her
Ive learnt so much.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I was seconnd youngest,
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He knew the spot.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
As i do to all so called friends.?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I don,t even have a pension.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Im still living with it.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Who then, do I blame.?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I never cut or harmed myself..
My life is so biszare .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
We all went to grammer schools
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She wouldn,t have been !
He resisted the act ,that day.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She found it foreign!.
What did i know ?
I was 9 years of age.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Would this be the day?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She loved him until the end.
I think the readers, may guess!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
It was going to be , some day.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
So whats the point in blame.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We were not on the streets..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And who doesn’t know suffering?